Suck it! Webscale is dead; long live PostgreSQL!

Those of us who know PostgreSQL know that we are king. Yes, yes, let's be humble. We are "a" king. A king of AWESOME. Yes, our technology base is over 40 years ago but what a 40 years it has been! In this talk we will briefly discuss history but more importantly we will pointedly discuss why the fads you read in CTO magazine are not the fads of reality. I will show where the "alternative" databases are failing even as PostgreSQL cherry picks what works from their reasonable ideas and makes those ideas king of AWESOME. Learn why just because you are middle aged doesn't mean you can't learn and beat the youngsters, every ... single ... document err ... tuple at a time.